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, by Justin J. Lehmiller
Ebook Free , by Justin J. Lehmiller
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Product details
File Size: 2511 KB
Print Length: 265 pages
Publisher: Da Capo Lifelong Books (July 10, 2018)
Publication Date: July 10, 2018
Sold by: Hachette Book Group
Language: English
ASIN: B0776PYDNM
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#71,147 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
I respect the scientific research and thought put into writing this book. The entire book is based off of the largest study to date on sexual fantasies of Americans.The main takeaway: this could be a good educational resource if you have not had very good sexual education. But otherwise, it falls short of what I would recommend. I really feel it would have been better presented and just as easily digestible as a 2,000-word Atlantic article or written as a publication in a similar other outlet.I actually do recommend this book if you feel ashamed about your sexual identity or fetishes, you have a hard time communicating with their partners about sex, or you don't know a lot about specific sexual taboos, including but not limited to BDSM, group sex, and gender-bending (cross-dressing, for example). For sexually conservative or shy Americans, this is an excellent book that could greatly help people better understand their sexuality and what defines being "normal," as well as get some ideas for how to communicate in relationships in a healthy way.Having said that, this is not a well-written book. Specifically, the editing fails spectacularly. Honestly, this book should be about half the length it is. It is extremely pedantic and nearly every concept is over-explained to the point of exhaustion. I'm not exactly a sexual deviant, but I did not need the level of detail for each fantasy explained this extensively. Ask yourself: do you need a 6-page primer on what the acronym BDSM stands for? If the answer is yes, then you should definitely read this book. If not, then this book might not be for you. If you need a book that reminds you every 3-4 pages that a specific fantasy is "not weird, and okay to have as long as everyone is safe and you aren't hurting anyone," then you should buy this book. I, personally, don't need that much coaching. Perhaps I drastically over-estimate the common sense of most Americans, but to me, the insights gleamed from the giant research study which resulted in this book are interwoven too tightly with what I feel are obvious statements like "it's illegal to expose yourself to strangers," and that makes the book frustrating to read.My other problem is that the book advises looking for outlets to help explore certain fantasies like nonmonogamy, group sex, and BDSM, but does not go into detail about any specific meetup groups, dungeons, clubs, sex parties, sex toys, or online communities to facilitate that. The author only off-handedly mentions FetLife once and does not otherwise point you towards any particular resources to help you find what he says you should look for. Every time an interesting point was made or my ears perked up at a research finding, the book failed to follow up with any real details. And while specific sexual fantasies from the study are quoted near the beginning of the book, that goes away entirely after the second or third chapter, leaving you with somewhat vague findings. The author doesn't even really commit to any of the broad advice given near the end of the book, adding a paragraph-long caveat after every single idea that says "but this might not work" or "but I'm not saying this is definitely the answer." One disclaimer at the beginning of the book could have replaced literally 20 percent of this book that consists entirely of disclaimers. I'm not exaggerating.Finally, the science is nearly all correlation, and a huge chunk of the causation is speculative. The phrase "this may be because..." is everywhere, and even more disclaimers are given when the author guesses as to why something might be. Granted, some citations are made when explaining concepts rooted in previous research, but this is the exception, not the rule. And he also leans on evolutionary biology quite a bit for some claims, which can actually be somewhat contentious in the scientific community. So while you'll learn what's "normal" and what fantasies people have, the "science" behind it all is a bit smoke-and-mirrors. More research will need to take place before many of the ideas in this book are validated.This review is coming from a relatively liberal young adult with a lot of familiarity in the fields of science and sexuality, so you might love the book if you're not me. I hope you find this review helpful, and that future editions fix some of the issues with this first run.
I was disappointed in this book and came here to write a critical review. However, when I read the review written by Cody Gough, I realized that he expressed my own views more eloquently than I was prepared to do. Please read and take that review to heart. I'd add only one more criticism - The fantasy survey much touted in some reviews pales in comparison to what we have learned from data-mining the online viewing habits of hundreds-of-millions of people as is described in better books.
The book is based on survey responses from several thousand people from all walks of life. I'm not sure how much stock you can place on that. The vast majority of people would not take the time to fill out a very long questionnaire of this sort. So I don't think you can make broad generalizations from it.The book is much too wordy. The author makes some interesting points and observations but he goes on much too long. A lot of it deals with BDSM which has zero interest for me. I did a lot of skipping over paragraphs. I can't say I found the to be as interesting as I thought it would be.
This book really helped me and my cell mate connect on a whole other level. I highly recommend it to anyone out there that wants to connect with their cell mate on more than a gang level.
Justin Lehmiller created the perfect book on sexual fantasies (and, therefore, sexuality in general). He based the book on a massive data set which gives him more credibility than anybody else out there. But, equally importantly, he makes the results readable, interesting, relevant, and useful. He slices and dices the data in all sorts of different ways which allows him to extract an amazing variety of lessons. I can't even guess at the hours spent poring over the data to learn everything that he did, but the world is a better place for his tireless efforts. The only thing better than reading this book is your partner also reading it and then the two of you discussing it.
If you haven't been paying attention to information coming from sex researchers, or haven't cared, this book is loaded with new thoughts on what's normal. It turns out that a huge percentage of American's have sexual fantasies, if not life styles, that would still be label deviant by a lot of people
Dr. Lehmiller has written such an important book-- one that educates, normalizes, and invites us into a deeper and more compassionate relationship with our sexuality. I look forward to recommending this book to students, clients, and friends!
I read his book The Psychology of Human Sexuality for a college class and liked his writing style. I thought I would further educate myself with this book. Again his writing style was easy to read and he does a good job educating the reader.
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